SRAH sILVERMAN IS SOOOOO HOT!~!!!!

I think she's the sexiest woman on tv like ever. I'd like to meet a woman like that, i just watched her performance on comedy central's last laugh '05 and i about lost it when she stuck her sweet ass into the mic and sang amazing grace in a bass voice eminating from her anus. wow. that;s one to take home to mommy! if you read my blog sarah, call me; i'd like to cum on your face.

US to invade Canada

I say go for it. What do we have to loose?

Raiding the Icebox
Behind Its Warm Front, the United States Made Cold Calculations to Subdue Canada

By Peter Carlson
Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, December 30, 2005; Page C01

Invading Canada won't be like invading Iraq: When we invade Canada, nobody will be able to grumble that we didn't have a plan.

The United States government does have a plan to invade Canada. It's a 94-page document called "Joint Army and Navy Basic War Plan -- Red," with the word SECRET stamped on the cover. It's a bold plan, a bodacious plan, a step-by-step plan to invade, seize and annex our neighbor to the north. It goes like this:

First, we send a joint Army-Navy overseas force to capture the port city of Halifax, cutting the Canadians off from their British allies.

Then we seize Canadian power plants near Niagara Falls, so they freeze in the dark.

Then the U.S. Army invades on three fronts -- marching from Vermont to take Montreal and Quebec, charging out of North Dakota to grab the railroad center at Winnipeg, and storming out of the Midwest to capture the strategic nickel mines of Ontario.

Meanwhile, the U.S. Navy seizes the Great Lakes and blockades Canada's Atlantic and Pacific ports.

At that point, it's only a matter of time before we bring these Molson-swigging, maple-mongering Zamboni drivers to their knees! Or, as the official planners wrote, stating their objective in bold capital letters: "ULTIMATELY TO GAIN COMPLETE CONTROL."

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Will Smith gets ripped off

None of us are imune to the perils of identiy theft. Not even the fresh prince.

Will Smith identity thief sent back to prison
Dec. 29, 2005, 9:12AM

By JOE MANDAK
Associated Press

PITTSBURGH — A man who stole Will Smith's identity to run up credit-card debts is going back to prison for two years for violating probation, a judge has ruled.

Judge Alan N. Bloch concluded Tuesday that Carlos Lomax, 45, formerly of Duquesne, was "not amenable" to probation, according to defense lawyer Mark Lancaster.

Lomax failed to rehabilitate himself and make restitution to his victims while on supervised release, U.S. Attorney Mary Beth Buchanan said.

He was sentenced to 37 months in prison — later reduced to 30 months — after pleading guilty to opening 14 bogus credit accounts at Pittsburgh-area stores using the identity of Willard C. Smith, the legal name of the rapper-turned-actor. Lomax was released from a halfway house in June.

Lomax has an earlier identity-theft conviction involving former Atlanta Hawks basketball player Steve Smith, now a TV commentator for the team.

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cab compaines in dc

why the fuck is so godmn hard to call a taxi at odd hours in dc? I need to get to union statioin tonight by 3am, cause that's when my train leaves and i need to be on it. Who do i call to get this done? i called all the companies listed here. and no luck. How is it that these jokers don't have hours right fuckin' now? bastids!

Christ, I'm druink.

update: ok I finally got ahold of someone at the Diamond cab company, and they said that a car will be infront of my house at 2:15, or so they say. we'll see. I'm waiting fuckers. got that?

update: ok, yeah they showed up and on time, actually a little early to tell the truth. so Diamond cab company is allright in my book.

yaaaaa

marx went really well last night. I played my Phil Collins "Easy lover" remix, and the garage remix of Kool and the Gang's "ladies night". I got some good feedback from the people there, and the best part - i got a phone number on a bar napkin (a first) from a pretty ladie who said that she thought my music was "fabalous". lol.

i think I'm slowly realizing, katie helped me with this, that I like and play some gay ass music. Most of my tracks feature diva vocals and extended breakdowns which i use as drop and mix points. Apparently these are signs that my selection is super limp wristed. My Man in the mirror mix really set it off, I never really knew it was a michael jackson song until one of my roomates pointed it out. She was all like, "Bad is like the best MJ album ever."

Well I'm glad that everything went over so well. People told me they enjoyed it and i think that's cool, yo. I won't be back there until the 3rd of January. My drink offer still stands, mention my blog and get a free drink. Actually since this outlet receives minum exposure as it is, the first person to mention it to the bar tender will get whatever they want, shots, beers, wine, etc.. fuckin' go nuts.

Tonight @ MARX CAFE

Yup it's that time of the week again, time to strap on the record bag and see what shakes loose. Marx Cafe, ~11pm. Mention mattb's thought zone to the bartender and get a free (1) drink. I have new music, UK Garage, House and some D&B ready to rock the hizzie fo sheezie.

Marx Cafe
3203 Mount Pleasant St. NW, Washington, DC

insland mystery continues

Why is it that Rita Cosby is the only one reporting the Holloway disappearance?



She watched Tookie die.

fake exorcist scams old woman

This seems oddly reminiscent of this story that i reported on earlier during the year. I guess there is a down side to harboring ridiculous beliefs like the supernatural. it makes you the pray of scam artists. ha ha, bitch got what she deserved.

That's way too much for an exorcism...

Dec 15, 10:50 AM (ET)

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German woman lost more than 5,000 euros ($6,000) after a would-be soothsayer convinced her she was possessed by evil spirits and prescribed an expensive exorcism as a remedy, authorities said Wednesday. Police in the central town of Northeim said the 44-year-old was told she was possessed by a young woman who read her palm at a Christmas market.

The victim became agitated and agreed to an exorcism at her home the following day, for which she paid the 'seer' more than 5,000 euros in cash and jewelry. The exorcist then gave her more bad news -- there were other spirits that needed casting out.

"That's when a bad feeling crept over the victim," the police said in a statement. "She informed the police forthwith." Police have arrested a 17-year-old woman from former Yugoslavia. The victim's money and jewelry have been returned.

Tonight / last night

Unfortunately BOH! Was canceled for tonight/last night, apparently Andalu is closed for renovations whatever the fuck that means. They might find another venue, and I'm waiting to hear back from my contact at incognito if this happens or not. Damn, this shit was going to be hot.

Update: basic ops played at club five instead of Andalu last night. Apparently Andalu is going through a complete renovation, and it's about time that place could use some new furniture at the very least, and while they are at it; take the mirrors off the walls. You’re not fooling anyone when you attempt to create the illusion of space.

world's dumbest criminals

What are these guys doing stealing a 2001 Mustang anyways? American cars suck, and I know because I used to own one. The details are just too funny. One of these clowns was actually found wearing the same shirt he was wearing while taking pictures of himself in a stolen car right before leaving the camera in the abandoned vehicle. Damn going joyriding can be fun, but don't leave behind such evidence. Whenever I steal a car I always wear gloves, and I don't bring a camera.

Car theft suspects foiled by fingerprints, photos
06:46 AM CST on Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Associated Press

REDLANDS, Calif. - Police in California say they had a lot of help nabbing a pair of car theft suspects -- from the suspects themselves. The men left behind not only fingerprints, but also photos of themselves sitting inside and standing outside the stolen 2001 Ford Mustang, police said.

The photos were taken with a disposable camera the suspects found in the Mustang, which they left behind when they abandoned the car. "These are not the brightest people," said Carl Baker, a Redlands police department spokesman.

The fingerprints and photos led police to the Redlands home of Albert Engelsman on Friday. Police say he was wearing the same shirt he had on in the photographs. "Once he was confronted with this evidence, he pretty much realized he was done in," Baker said. Engelsman, 28, was charged with grand theft auto and possession of stolen property, Baker said. He is free on bail.

An arrest warrant on the same charges has been issued for his alleged accomplice, Matthew Montanez, 22, of Rialto, Baker said. Both men have unlisted telephone numbers. Redlands is about 80 miles east of Los Angeles.

wooha, i like playing music

Hell yeah, I just got back from marx cafe and let me tell you I turned that mother out! I laid out a fun set of UK garage, house and breakbeats. with some NWA and depeche mode thrown in along the way. I even played a house remix of love is in the air it went over like like a plane. I played for almost two hours and went through all my cd's. I made a couple of mistakes, i cued the wrong channel once and brought the cue channel into the mix prematurely. and beatmatching was a mess through only but two or three mixes. Overall I felt it had been well received. This drunk russian guy said he liked it and that's all the proof I need. Same time next week, and I gotta get to downloading some new tunes.

mattb @ Marx again!

That's right kids, come hear the sounds of mattb learning how to beatmatch on a dodgy numark cd mixer in a comfortable homey venue with a penchant for the revolutionary. It'll be good times; I promise. i haven't listened to any of my records in 2 years. If you reconize any of the tunes I play, that means that you have excellent taste or a napster subscription. Don't sleep! BOH!

Marx Cafe
3203 Mount Pleasant St. NW, Washington, DC

Matt Damon got married

I love how the press is saying that this is "Damon's first marriage" it's as they are assuming that this one will end in failure and he'll marry again, and once that happens the press here has set themselves up to be able to run the story of his fourth marriage, etc.. You see what I mean. How many local papers run marriage announcements informing readers that this is the groom’s first marriage? Probably not too many. It pisses me off that the press treats celebrities like they are different than ordinary non-famous people. Yo!!! Famous people, ya know they shit like normal people! Famous bitches; they still menstruate like the rest of us! Matt Damon jacks off, just like the rest of us, and that means using the left hand! Pokers need to fly off you. i have an imense respect for Matt (cause we share the same first name, duh) and I hope that this marrige will last forever! Congrats!!

Updated: 03:58 PM EST
Matt Damon Marries Girlfriend in New York City

LOS ANGELES (Dec. 9) - Matt Damon married girlfriend Luciana Bozan in a private ceremony Friday in New York City, his publicist said.

Damon, 35, and his bride exchanged wedding vows during a small ceremony at an undisclosed location, spokeswoman Jennifer Allen said. Bozan's 7-year-old daughter witnessed the ceremony. In a previous marriage Bozan went by the name Luciana Barroso.

The wedding took place in New York's City Hall, according to Ed Skyler, a spokesman for Mayor Michael Bloomberg. Skyler and Damon's publicist provided no further details.

Asked if Damon's friend and "Good Will Hunting" co-star Ben Affleck witnessed the wedding, Allen said no.

It was the first marriage for Damon, the second for Bozan. They will split their time between homes in New York and Florida.

Damon's publicist wouldn't discuss an "Access Hollywood" report that Damon's bride is pregnant.

Damon and Affleck won a best screenwriting Oscar for 1997's "Good Will Hunting."

Damon's screen credits also include roles in "Saving Private Ryan," "The Talented Mr. Ripley," "Ocean's Eleven" and "Syriana." He met Bozan while she was working as a bartender in Florida, Allen said.

Damon is in New York shooting the Robert De Niro-directed film "The Good Shepherd" with Angelina Jolie.

Associated Press Writer Sara Kugler in New York contributed to this report.

12/09/05 15:52 EST

Copyright 2005 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL.

Industrial accidents are da bomb yo.

Ha ha. Dead people are funny. Everybody point and laugh! I hope this particular accident was totally grisly, ya know w/ guts and blood everywhere. I wonder if it ruined the machine, or if they were back up and running a couple of hours later. I'd be kind of freaked out a little to tell you the truth if I had to go to work the next day knowing that this machine I'm using is the same one that ate one of my co-workers the day before. Maybe he was pushed?

Man killed by fall into shredding machine

Dec 8 2005

By Adrian Short, Weekly News

POLICE are investigating the circumstances which led to the death of a Widnes man who was killed after falling into an industrial shredding machine.

Following a post-mortem examination in the wake of the horrific incident - which took place in the early hours of November 24 at Delleve Plastics Ltd in St Helens - the cause of death was given as multiple crushing injuries.

But on Tuesday - more than 10 days after the death - police were still waiting for the body to be formally identified.

Two crews of firefighters and a rapid response team from Mersey Regional Ambulance Service rushed to the scene after a member of staff at Delleve raised the alert.

But they said nothing could be done to help the man as he was already dead upon their arrival.

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Dennis Rodman moons Tiesto!!

OMFG that's too perfect. Rodman: He does what were all thinking! This is riddled with irony; I take back any thing disparaging I may have said in the past concerning Dennis Rodman. He should get a dance star award for this latest antic. I hope Rodman is at the WMC this year; I’d like to thank him personally for exposing his ass to another ass. CHEERS!!

Rodman Keeps His Low Profile

Hey, Dennis Rodman made some “news” over the weekend. After showing up at a book signing scandalously dressed in revolutionary drag, Rodman apparently showed up at a DJ Tiesto show at Crobar and got himself in a wee bit of trouble.

The former NBA star [jumped onstage and] doffed his shirt and pulled down his pants to expose his backside, prompting a disgusted Tiesto to storm offstage. “Rodman chased after him, screaming that that he was sorry and for him to come back,” says a witness. A club spokesman confirmed that Rodman was escorted out when Tiesto refused to return to his turntables until “The Worm” was shown the door.

Be sure and read the emails from Rodman's agent found linked on the original article; they’re just too damn funny!

Rap star shoots self in head

HA HA HAHA AHA AHA AHA AH !!!! wow, I guess his record career is off with a bang! It's a shame cause he was such a high caliber performer. All the top producers in the game are going to be gunning to sign this cat! LOL

Rapper Shoots Himself With Pen Gun
Tuesday, December 06, 2005

ST. PARIS, Ohio — Steven Zorn had put the pen gun to his head and clicked before, apparently thinking it was jammed and would not work.

But on the third try, the tiny silver pistol went off as the 22-year-old budding rap artist was drinking to celebrate an impending record deal. He died at a hospital.

The Nov. 18 shooting at Zorn's home in this rural village of 2,000, about 50 miles northeast of Dayton, is believed to have been accidental, according to family, friends and law enforcement officials.

"Steven had a career and his dreams all ahead of him," said Zorn's mother, Lisa McCoy-Horn. She said she wants lawmakers to outlaw pen guns, which are small-caliber, single-shot weapons that resemble pens.

Zorn had taught himself to play the keyboard and record tracts using inexpensive software on his home computer. He tracked down rap artist Miracle in Georgia and urged the crunk artist to listen to a CD of his original recordings.

"The lyrical content was awesome," Miracle said. "He had a lot of skill. I took a liking to him, took him under my wing."

mattb's DC debut on the 1 & 2's.

10pm or something TONITE! I am Djing at the Marx Cafe in Mount Pleasant. I am very excited, it's been two years since I have done this and am rather nervous as well. I'll be playing a crispy selection of UK Garage, laid back Drum n' Bass and Epic House. Come out if you can. My roomate tommy is the bartender at Marx and will mix whatever drink you can come up with. Below is a little review of the spot. Hope you can make it!

Marx Cafe
3203 Mount Pleasant St , NW

This restaurant and bar has an inviting low-key ambience without being pretentious. The low-lit wooden interior provides more character than the clubs that try to be hip in Adams Morgan. The menu is composed of mostly Spanish cuisine that is reasonably tasty and pretty cheap. Their Belgian beers round out the usual beer menu. The Marx Cafe hosts DJs who spice up the experience as the night goes on. This is a chill place to spend an evening.

Another article about Marx Cafe

South park is cool

The current week's southpark episode is totally funny. There's a dead orca whale on the moon! While looking for some screencaps or videos of it on google video I tripped across this anime music video. Now, I know most anime music videos suck cock diesel all the way. Watching poorly digitized Dragon Ball Z clips set to a Staind MP3 is a formula for poor taste. This one is really good however. It's an hour long and is edited with the furious style of the cartoon network's adult swim series robot chicken. Each clip jumps after like 15-50 seconds and features all maners of music.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?do.....

Seattle has a monorail?

Hey I read this whole article. Who knew that Seattle had a monorail? I sure didn't. The only thing I know about that city is that it rains all the time and starbucks, Microsoft and Boeing live there. What idiot places monorail track so close together that passing trains may strike each other? It's a shame that the voters up there didn't vote to expand the current system as I’m sure it would have promoted tourism there. How many cities even have monorails? Malaysia has one kick ass monorail. Why not DC? Putting aside the obviously crude Simpson’s references for just one second, I'd like to say that a monorail would do more good for dc than the currently proposed baseball stadium and we could build one smokin’ hot monorail with the cash dc is prepared to sink into the new sports entertainment complex proposed for SE DC.

Monorail accident caused by human error

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

SEATTLE -- Human error caused the Seattle monorail accident. The inbound driver failed to yield to the other train at the point where the track are too close together for passing, officials said Wednesday.

"The incident is a sad situation for all concerned and we are very relieved that no one was seriously injured," said Stuart Rolfe, a Seattle Monorail Services partner, in a statement. "The inbound driver was an experienced individual who made some very unfortunate and costly errors."

Seattle Police reported Wednesday that drug tests on both drivers by an independent lab showed "illegal substances were not a factor in the accident."

The monorail's only two cars sideswiped each other on a curve near the downtown station Saturday evening, and both ground to a halt. Fire crews helped the 84 passengers down from the 28-foot-high tracks. There were no serious injuries.

Dead rat found in russian crackers

When I first read this story I thought we were dealing with a dead human. Who uses infant to describe a rodent? The description small rat would have sufficed. I think the editors of this Russian news magazine must have intentionally loaded the article's title in this fashion in the hopes others would jump to the same conclusion. I mean the dead rat story is ok, but it can't compare with a story about a dead human infant found in a pack of crackers. Happy December First!

Dead infant rat found in a crackers pack

Butyrsky District Court (Moscow) is currently investigating a suit of three citizens who claim for compensation of moral damage and threat to their health, a REGNUM correspondent was told in the press office of the Moscow Department of the Federal Antimonopoly Service (FAS). The sum of moral damage compensation, claimed by three citizens, equals to at least 50 million rubles ($1.786 million).

On March, 18 2005, the plaintiffs bought a product of “Bridgetown foods Ltd.” – rye crackers. When they opened the package, they found a dead body of an infant rat in it.

The plaintiffs went to the local Veterinary-Sanitarian Center to have an expertise conducted. The expertise showed that the body of the infant rat “has the traces of the same thermal and cooking procedures that have been passed over the crackers”, and “the body is covered with the fragments of the crackers, that are identical to the biscuits in the package”. As the press office informs, “it clearly represents that during the production of this package, severe violations of a number of federal laws and sanitarian regulations have been conducted,” that caused the violation of article 7 of the Russian law “On Defense of Consumer Rights”. The plaintiffs avoided food poisoning, but their health was harmed, the medical examination states.

As violations during the production of the foodstuffs have a high rate of the public danger, the lawyer of the victims asked to draw representatives of FAS and the Service for Defense of Consumer Rights to the court sessions as third persons.
Permanent news address: www.regnum.ru/english/540588.html
20:07 12/01/2005